work has been never ending these days. it’s really a wonder when the economy is obviously not that great but everyone’s doing a lot of investments. damn, i am seriously pissed at work, but oh well, sometimes it’s good to have some little comfort every now and then alone in that cubicle, sometimes not. 🙂
there’s something that has been bugging me since 2 weeks ago. just one & half mths ago, our co accepted a few interns. there is an intern who is attached to my dept and i was assigned to be his mentor. he’s younger than me & believe me, a normal female will not give a second look, ‘cuz he looked too normal and like anyone on the streets.
well, being a nice colleague & not abusing an intern, i was really kind & i do teach him a lot of our work. the thing is, as time goes by, despite him looking so normal & all, i kinda grow to like him: i seriously can’t differeniate if it’s some ‘sisterly crush’ or ‘normal crush’. besides, he’s really quite intelligent and through little conversations, i got to know his aspiration & all. in fact, i do think he’s really bold & daring to have such high ambitions.
the disturbing fact was, i can’t believe that i’m feeling ‘something’ for someone who’s younger than me, looking way normal & even secretly harbouring for some affection back too! strange enough, probably i see him like a little kid, that’s why i dun feel any lust for him. it’s just..pure little puppy love for him. made me feel like a little sch girl somehow.
and i do trust my instinct: he does like me too.
sometimes in the midst of work, our hands would brushed across.
sometimes the eye contact will stay longer than usual.
he would stay with me despite a group of us will go for lunch.
that sunshine smile of his.
felt protected ‘cuz he’s much much taller than me..
but i guess what’s holding us back is, we do know this is just temporary: everything will be over after his internship & probably it’ll just die off.
& mind u, he’s really quite a decent chap.
neither i intend to make it grow. it’s impossible. it’s just a fad which it transport me to those times when love is pure & all.
though i can’t be sure what i may react on spot if he really ask me to be his girlfriend, i believe on my part, it’s quite impossible for me to accept.
i don’t want to hurt a nice guy like him.
i started to wonder, is it because it’s been quite some time since i have affection for any man, & affection from any man? i dun mean sex, but affection as in a real relationship?
probably a part of me doesn’t want to face the reality: growing older. though i’m in my early twenties, but still, sometimes being an adult feels shitty. sometimes, it hurts to lose some of those innocence i had way back i was younger.
i guess no matter how animalistic i can be, i’m still a human with feelings at the end of the day.
& like any other normal humans, i can’t live alone and probably afraid of loneliness.
til then, let’s just see how thing goes…off to partying tonight first!