work has been never ending these days. it’s really a wonder when the economy is obviously not that great but everyone’s doing a lot of investments. damn, i am seriously pissed at work, but oh well, sometimes it’s good to have some little comfort every now and then alone in that cubicle, sometimes not. 
there’s something that has been bugging me since 2 weeks ago. just one & half mths ago, our co accepted a few interns. there is an intern who is attached to my dept and i was assigned to be his mentor. he’s younger than me & believe me, a normal female will not give a second look, ‘cuz he looked too normal and like anyone on the streets.
well, being a nice colleague & not abusing an intern, i was really kind & i do teach him a lot of our work. the thing is, as time goes by, despite him looking so normal & all, i kinda grow to like him: i seriously can’t differeniate if it’s some ’sisterly crush’ or ‘normal crush’. besides, he’s really quite intelligent and through little conversations, i got to know his aspiration & all. in fact, i do think he’s really bold & daring to have such high ambitions.
the disturbing fact was, i can’t believe that i’m feeling ’something’ for someone who’s younger than me, looking way normal & even secretly harbouring for some affection back too! strange enough, probably i see him like a little kid, that’s why i dun feel any lust for him. it’s just..pure little puppy love for him. made me feel like a little sch girl somehow.
and i do trust my instinct: he does like me too.
sometimes in the midst of work, our hands would brushed across.
sometimes the eye contact will stay longer than usual.
he would stay with me despite a group of us will go for lunch.
that sunshine smile of his.
felt protected ‘cuz he’s much much taller than me..
but i guess what’s holding us back is, we do know this is just temporary: everything will be over after his internship & probably it’ll just die off.
& mind u, he’s really quite a decent chap.
neither i intend to make it grow. it’s impossible. it’s just a fad which it transport me to those times when love is pure & all.
though i can’t be sure what i may react on spot if he really ask me to be his girlfriend, i believe on my part, it’s quite impossible for me to accept.
i don’t want to hurt a nice guy like him.
i started to wonder, is it because it’s been quite some time since i have affection for any man, & affection from any man? i dun mean sex, but affection as in a real relationship?
probably a part of me doesn’t want to face the reality: growing older. though i’m in my early twenties, but still, sometimes being an adult feels shitty. sometimes, it hurts to lose some of those innocence i had way back i was younger.
i guess no matter how animalistic i can be, i’m still a human with feelings at the end of the day.
& like any other normal humans, i can’t live alone and probably afraid of loneliness.
til then, let’s just see how thing goes…off to partying tonight first!
fruitty imitating bon jovi:
I’ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I’ll be there for you
I’d live and I’d die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can’t say what love can do
I’ll be there for you
any nostalgic feeling? hehe
Growing older does change or shift some of your pirorities from dreamy state to realistic mode. This was what I’ve experienced myself. It’s mostly due to change in thoughts and direction of life which is heading, (for me, at least) and I reckon this is what you might be feeling too.
As for the intern, well… close working relationship, seeing each other everyday, small gestures and such, even with him being younger than you, what you you expect?
Normal or not normal, at the end of the day, there will still be some emotions running, with the added fact that he shares his dreams with you and the conversations are intelligent.
Do a take to see how it will turn out. No matter how animal(istic) we are as humans, there will always be a turn of circumstances, with the benefit of the doubt.
Keep up the writes though!
Cheerio!
There’s a chance that he harbors a hidden agenda behind his puppy-dog eyes…
Nice blogskin…missed ya!
Perhaps after so many setbacks or too many guys who fail to hit your benchmark, you have mellowed.
It could be the thought of another looming disappointment that you felt something normal and basic will do. Of couse the time spent together is a big factor too.
Just let nature take its course i guess.
Whatever maybe i wish you luck and have fun partying.
Come back soon, babe…miss your updates.